I talked with Kristin yesterday after work to talk about her visit in May. I just wanted to have some sort of plan of what we're doing on what days. Plus, it would be nice to do some things that Kristin wants to do and as she's spending a lot of money to come out, I want her to enjoy the weekend.
She's coming out for Joslyn's wedding on the 17th of May. I'm excited to see Kristin and all the old roommates that have moved since we graduated. Jen'll be there with her new man/fiancee and I'm really hoping that Clay will be at the wedding as well.
I was watching TV the other night and some random phone commercial came on with that one song "anyway you want it, that's the way you need it" or however it goes. Clay used to sing that all the time randomly throughout the house and all of a sudden, I just had this horrible pang of sadness and something like homesickness. I just really miss everyone and I'm really disappointed that we didn't keep in touch better through the years. I know it happens and it's inevitable, but it still makes me sad. I know this goes both ways; I could have made more of an effort to keep in touch with my old roomies.
We were all very close and it was like a family. We supported each other as much as we could; going to Kristin's plays, poetry stuff, Clay's bike races, family dinners, random game nights and occasional movie night in the summer, etc. Clay and I had the same schedule for both semesters and summer class so we would wait for each other after class to take the bus home together and get some lunch from Whole Foods and watch Grounded for Life and Cash Cab while eating whatever. I just miss having that companionship...
Sometimes I think about it and Clay is everything I could ever want in a boyfriend. He's sweet, caring, funny, smart, takes care of you, we can have fun together, supportive, he's everything. He's almost perfect. I didn't date him because I was with Corey at the time and I don't think Clay every saw me that way. And I didn't really find him sexually attractive but we have cuddled and spooned on the couch for fun. He was like the big brother/best friend/boyfriend person in my life. Corey used to get pissed because I'd accidentally call him Clay and I would call Clay Corey.
Sometimes I wonder how he felt about me. He used to text me a lot when I moved out and email that he missed me so sometimes I wonder if he felt the same way I felt for him. He was an amazing person and I wish that he was still in my life. I don't know where he lives right now and the last I heard, he was in New York with his g/f Lynn. I don't think she really likes us much; I met her twice and she was wasted both times so I don't think she remembers me.
Kristin's pissed because he didn't contact her when her dad died. She's a little mad that Joslyn didn't seem to care either and we talked about our trepidations for the wedding. It's like, we were all very, very close and then we drfited apart and we don't know anything about each other anymore. I can see where Kristin's coming from but I can see it from the other side as well. Sometimes friends drift apart and we get caught up in our own world and lives. I don't think it's wrong of Kristin to hold a grudge but I think she mostly doesn't want to go because maybe she feels like there's nothing to talk about at this point. She said that we should make shirts that say, "I have a shitty job, living in Cleveland, and my dad died" and "Corey and I broke up, again, and no, we're not getting back together." I think that would just about sum up the past 3 years of our lives. Kind of pathetic, I know. I haven't accomplished much but a lot of debt since graduating and it seems like everyone is moving forward while I am at a standstill. I think Kristin feels that way, too and that's why she really doesn't want to go to the wedding.
I don't really mind though. I am truly happy for Joslyn and Phil and I want to go to show them that I support their marriage and their happiness.
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