I guess I've had an interesting couple weeks. Nothing too great, but I guess it gave me a better sense of friendship.
Kristin called me maybe last week finally. David had left her a message and I did as well so she figured she should give us a call. She was house sitting for her aunt and I could hear her typing away at a computer so I knew sooner or later it was coming. About five minutes into the conversation, she fell completely silent and whispered "Oh my God..." a couple times so I knew she had gone to facebook or something. It was really awkward. She said, "Wow, I guess I missed a birthday..." and all I could say was, "yep." I didn't know what to say; she didn't know what to say. She admitted though, that she had no excuse, she wasn't doing anything during that week, she just forgot. We had a really long talk about it and I was glad that so much time had passed so I could figure out and know what I wanted to say. I didn't hold anything back either, I just said the things that I felt and I made her cry a little.
I told her that I could forgive her for forgetting my birthday. I told her it wasn't that big a deal because my birthdays were never a big deal to me or my family. I told her what really bothered me was the fact that I couldn't count on her to be there as a friend. I told her that it hurts that she never calls me back because I want to be there in her life but she doesn't seem to care enough to let me know what's new with her or want to know what's new with me. I told her that I can understand why so many people aren't in touch with her anymore and it's probably because of her lack of interest in them. I told her that if David or I forgot her birthday, we would never hear the end of it or be forgiven but she can forget about us. I told her that our friendship felt like a one way road because while I supported her through everything, I couldn't talk to her about the things that I knew she didn't care about because of the lack of support. In the end, I told her I wasn't sure what our friendship was going to be like knowing that I wouldn't be able to call her to talk about whatever.
She did explain that she was depressed, which is what I figured, and she was withdrawing herself because of her depression. She let me know that she wasn't just avoiding me and David, but she was avoiding everyone. She then went on to say that while she was out in Colorado she felt weird because she felt like we were all being fake. Which we were. I think there were a lot of animosity towards each other for our own separate reasons. She then said that she thought that David and I were really negative and she didn't want to surround herself with that negative energy.
It was hard listening to that because I felt like she didn't try to talk to us except the last night she was in Colorado and we were both wasted. I felt that she was being fake and it bothered me so in turn, I kept quiet. I don't like making people talk if they don't want to so I didn't know what to do. I wanted to ask her about how she was, what she was up to, that sort of thing but she always cut the conversation short. She didn't show much interest in anything about me or David. I knew David was annoyed because she didn't return his calls and stuff, but I think he was pretty normal.
I tried not to get too upset. I let her say what she wanted because I told her how I felt. It's a little weird and awkward now because we never did talk about what our friendship would be like now. I told her that maybe we'll end up being the "occasional" friend because the distance is kind of hard on a friendship. Although I did tell her, even when I lived in Iowa I talked to David more than she and I did in years. I know that's a somewhat unfair comparison since David likes to talk more than most people, but still, Kristin and I have been slowly drifting apart.
I also hung out with Fox on Friday. I saw him at Austin's bbq like, 2 weeks ago and we didn't really have a chance to talk much. He's been working a lot but he and I haven't hung out in a really long time. Again, hanging out with him was awkward like always. We talked about his relationship with Keli because he isn't over her quite yet. He told me he asked her to take her back and she said no. I asked him why he even talks to her when he knows that it's just going to hurt more when she gets back. He says she's lonely but what is she going to do when she gets back and isn't lonely anymore and doesn't need him in her life? Wouldn't that hurt him more? I think it would. He still write her letters and sends her random things. He just still loves her so much and I feel bad for him.
He asked about me, if I was dating anyone, and if I was thinking about dating anyone. I told him no, I wasn't dating and I haven't been looking. Mostly because I want to figure out what it is I want and deal with some of my messed up emotions. I told him that I date terrible people or I get bored very easily so I try my best to be a big bitch so they dump me or I'll dump them if they're taking too long to break up with me. He was like, "If I propose a 12 week dating period, would you go out with me?" I don't know how many times I have told him I'm not interested in dating him, but there he goes again. And he asked me this after he basically insulted me. I know he's lonely and I'm lonely but I would never date someone just because again. It doesn't work. It ends up making me feel even more worthless than I already do. Plus, it's Fox. Good fun guy, just not dating material.
I don't know if I want to hang out with him much anymore. Which kind of sucks but we aren't close anymore. Plus he always tries to get into my pants and I don't think he's joking when he does that. And even if he is, that's not the way I want to joke around.
Kristin called me maybe last week finally. David had left her a message and I did as well so she figured she should give us a call. She was house sitting for her aunt and I could hear her typing away at a computer so I knew sooner or later it was coming. About five minutes into the conversation, she fell completely silent and whispered "Oh my God..." a couple times so I knew she had gone to facebook or something. It was really awkward. She said, "Wow, I guess I missed a birthday..." and all I could say was, "yep." I didn't know what to say; she didn't know what to say. She admitted though, that she had no excuse, she wasn't doing anything during that week, she just forgot. We had a really long talk about it and I was glad that so much time had passed so I could figure out and know what I wanted to say. I didn't hold anything back either, I just said the things that I felt and I made her cry a little.
I told her that I could forgive her for forgetting my birthday. I told her it wasn't that big a deal because my birthdays were never a big deal to me or my family. I told her what really bothered me was the fact that I couldn't count on her to be there as a friend. I told her that it hurts that she never calls me back because I want to be there in her life but she doesn't seem to care enough to let me know what's new with her or want to know what's new with me. I told her that I can understand why so many people aren't in touch with her anymore and it's probably because of her lack of interest in them. I told her that if David or I forgot her birthday, we would never hear the end of it or be forgiven but she can forget about us. I told her that our friendship felt like a one way road because while I supported her through everything, I couldn't talk to her about the things that I knew she didn't care about because of the lack of support. In the end, I told her I wasn't sure what our friendship was going to be like knowing that I wouldn't be able to call her to talk about whatever.
She did explain that she was depressed, which is what I figured, and she was withdrawing herself because of her depression. She let me know that she wasn't just avoiding me and David, but she was avoiding everyone. She then went on to say that while she was out in Colorado she felt weird because she felt like we were all being fake. Which we were. I think there were a lot of animosity towards each other for our own separate reasons. She then said that she thought that David and I were really negative and she didn't want to surround herself with that negative energy.
It was hard listening to that because I felt like she didn't try to talk to us except the last night she was in Colorado and we were both wasted. I felt that she was being fake and it bothered me so in turn, I kept quiet. I don't like making people talk if they don't want to so I didn't know what to do. I wanted to ask her about how she was, what she was up to, that sort of thing but she always cut the conversation short. She didn't show much interest in anything about me or David. I knew David was annoyed because she didn't return his calls and stuff, but I think he was pretty normal.
I tried not to get too upset. I let her say what she wanted because I told her how I felt. It's a little weird and awkward now because we never did talk about what our friendship would be like now. I told her that maybe we'll end up being the "occasional" friend because the distance is kind of hard on a friendship. Although I did tell her, even when I lived in Iowa I talked to David more than she and I did in years. I know that's a somewhat unfair comparison since David likes to talk more than most people, but still, Kristin and I have been slowly drifting apart.
I also hung out with Fox on Friday. I saw him at Austin's bbq like, 2 weeks ago and we didn't really have a chance to talk much. He's been working a lot but he and I haven't hung out in a really long time. Again, hanging out with him was awkward like always. We talked about his relationship with Keli because he isn't over her quite yet. He told me he asked her to take her back and she said no. I asked him why he even talks to her when he knows that it's just going to hurt more when she gets back. He says she's lonely but what is she going to do when she gets back and isn't lonely anymore and doesn't need him in her life? Wouldn't that hurt him more? I think it would. He still write her letters and sends her random things. He just still loves her so much and I feel bad for him.
He asked about me, if I was dating anyone, and if I was thinking about dating anyone. I told him no, I wasn't dating and I haven't been looking. Mostly because I want to figure out what it is I want and deal with some of my messed up emotions. I told him that I date terrible people or I get bored very easily so I try my best to be a big bitch so they dump me or I'll dump them if they're taking too long to break up with me. He was like, "If I propose a 12 week dating period, would you go out with me?" I don't know how many times I have told him I'm not interested in dating him, but there he goes again. And he asked me this after he basically insulted me. I know he's lonely and I'm lonely but I would never date someone just because again. It doesn't work. It ends up making me feel even more worthless than I already do. Plus, it's Fox. Good fun guy, just not dating material.
I don't know if I want to hang out with him much anymore. Which kind of sucks but we aren't close anymore. Plus he always tries to get into my pants and I don't think he's joking when he does that. And even if he is, that's not the way I want to joke around.
No comments:
Post a Comment