I’m scared. I’m scared, scared, scared that my dad is going to die. His health is failing and there’s really nothing I can do at this point to help him or reverse the effects of years and years of diabetes.
He and I were never close as I got older; I was always afraid of him and knew that I can never please him. I knew I could never be smart enough or talented enough. True, he culled some of those talents to his liking and with every report card I brought home, he at least made the effort to reward me for good grades. As I reached my awful teenage years, we were at a constant battle of wills because he is right, I am stubborn and my stubbornness comes off as “bitchy” and “ungrateful.”
Despite all that, he paid for my college education. I never wanted for anything; he bought me a car, any clothing I wanted, and basically, if I asked for something within reason, he got it for me. Most likely to make up for the fact that I had no social life but whatever, I am extremely thankful to have graduated college without debt and I owe that to my parents.
Sure, he and I never saw eye-to-eye on a lot of things but as I got older, I began to see things from his perspective and although I don’t fully agree with it, I knew he did some of those things because he didn’t want anything bad happening to me.
I wish I could take back all the years of being angry at him and I wish I could admit to my friends that I am frightened of being left behind. Even though we didn’t get along as well as anyone could hope, I don’t want to see my dad slowly wasting away and losing his dignity. No child wants to see their parents that way.
He and I were never close as I got older; I was always afraid of him and knew that I can never please him. I knew I could never be smart enough or talented enough. True, he culled some of those talents to his liking and with every report card I brought home, he at least made the effort to reward me for good grades. As I reached my awful teenage years, we were at a constant battle of wills because he is right, I am stubborn and my stubbornness comes off as “bitchy” and “ungrateful.”
Despite all that, he paid for my college education. I never wanted for anything; he bought me a car, any clothing I wanted, and basically, if I asked for something within reason, he got it for me. Most likely to make up for the fact that I had no social life but whatever, I am extremely thankful to have graduated college without debt and I owe that to my parents.
Sure, he and I never saw eye-to-eye on a lot of things but as I got older, I began to see things from his perspective and although I don’t fully agree with it, I knew he did some of those things because he didn’t want anything bad happening to me.
I wish I could take back all the years of being angry at him and I wish I could admit to my friends that I am frightened of being left behind. Even though we didn’t get along as well as anyone could hope, I don’t want to see my dad slowly wasting away and losing his dignity. No child wants to see their parents that way.
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