Lately I've been feeling guilty about the things that I've done in the past. Most of these things I feel guilty about happened at church in Colorado Springs so I should really repent them. Afterall, it did happen on holy ground.
Anyway, here are some things that I'd like to get off my chest. Maybe it'll make me feel better about myself.
1. When I was a little kid I was playing in my grandma's backyard with a milk crate thing. I found a frog and as I used to catch them, placed the crate over it so I can run inside and get a container to put the frog in. Since the crate had holes in it, the frog jumped out and I kept putting the crate over it. Right when I was putting the crate back down, the frog jumped and I caught it mid-leap. I slammed the crate down not realizing that the frog was underneath the edge of the crate and I killed the frog. I felt terrible and perhaps that was the first time I ever felt remorse. I ran inside to get my mom and when we got to the crate, two huge crows were fighting over the frog, pulling it in half.
2. I went to a Korean Catholic Church in Colorado Springs from highschool until I quit coming home from college. I hated every second of my time spent in that church because of the people. We had 2 morning masses, one in English and the other later one in Korean. The adults would ask the teenagers to set up the lunch tables or watch their crappy misbehaving children while they were in mass. So one Sunday in the middle of the summer under the blistering heat, we set up the tables and chairs and went inside the church to get some water and sit in the airconditioned lobby. There was a girl who went to church that no one really liked and most everyone called her Granny Panties. Anyway, my brother, Aram, and Su likes playing pranks and got a cup of water to give to Granny Panties. As I was walking in I saw Su with the cup and said, "Oh thank God, can I have that?" and she replied, "No, it's toilet water for Granny Panties." I was horrified and was like, wtf?! Granny Panties walks in behind me and Su gives her the cup of water while everyone in on the joke watched gleefully as she took the cup and raised it to her mouth. I swear, I saw all this in slo-mo: I had this crazy vision of me knocking the cup out of her hand screaming, "NOOOOO!!! DON'T DRINK THAT; IT'S TOILET WATER!" all in slo-mo of course. Instead I let her drink it, and watched horrified as she smacked her lips in contentment and rubbed her belly proclaiming, "Ah, that hit the spot!" I have no idea how often anyone cleaned the toilets in the church and when I pulled Su aside, she admitted she got the water from the men's bathroom. I was even more grossed out and for the rest of the week I kept thinking that if Granny Panties got sick, we would all be responsible. She didn't come to church the next week and I was near hysterical from worrying and when I asked her parents, they were like, "Oh! She had some schoolwork to finish! That's so nice of you to ask!" The worst part of this was that the church has glass doors dividing the area of worship from the lobby and I could see Jesus on his cross staring at me when I let Granny Panties drink toilet water. I am going to hell.
3. Again, also happened at church. There was a man named Bob who went to the church; he married a Korean lady and they had 2 truly ugly children together. Bob was outside talking to some people and when he turned around, smacked his head on the corner of the swamp cooler thing sticking out of the side of the nun's quarters. It cut open his head pretty badly and there was blood everywhere. Everyone was freaking out and yelling at me to get his children away from there and to call for an ambulance. As I didn't like him or his family, I pretended I couldn't hear them and just stood there disgusted. Then a bunch of us went inside the nun's quarters with a bucket of water to wash the blood away but some dumb ass got hot water instead of cold so we ended up boiling the blood. It smelled real bad.
4. I don't know why the adults at church trusted the teenagers to do anything but one Easter they forced us to fill Easter eggs and hide them around the church. Not only did we end up swiping some of the better candy, but the guys hid the eggs in the worst places. My brother placed some eggs just out of the little kids' reach, in the log pile where creepy spiders lived, in the drain and plugged the opening with rocks, and under the prickly bushes. The other guys weren't any better, someone threw some eggs into a pile of old lumber with rusty nails everywhere. After mass we ran and grabbed the cutest kids and helped them find all the eggs. The thing I feel bad about was watching the uglier children trying to get the eggs from the log pile or from under the bushes while screaming in terror of the spiders and squealing in pain as they got pricked.
I guess that's it for now. There were other times when I was like, man, what was I thinking? I've done a ton of things that I regret but at this point, there's nothing I can do about it and I figure feeling guilty is punishment enough. And, as Jesus died for our sins, I'd like to think that I'm forgiven of these minor deeds.
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