Still in Massachusetts this week and one more trip next week for a day. I'm glad to go home for a full weekend this time, however, and it's also daylight savings so I can pretend I'm home longer than I really am. I'm missing a snow storm in Colorado and I feel terrible for David having to walk Cooper in all the snow and ice. I shall owe him big time.
This week, we got to stay in Salem Tuesday night. We had a chance to explore the city the night before and after our session with the court. Marilyn and Paula drove up to have dinner with us and Suzanne and I went to get our palms read for fun. Seriously, how often can you get your palm read in Salem by an "authentic" witch? Might as well, right?
I didn't expect much, I am a skeptic after all. But, I guess there was some validity to what she had to say. First and foremost, she said that I'll have a better year next year and that things will start to work out for me. I'm really hoping that's true because Lord knows that I've had a pretty rough year. I like to think that it is slowly getting better. She mentioned a "new guy" in my life and I'll just take that to mean Tyson. She said that he truly likes me and will want a future and babies with me but I'm the one holding back in the relationship. If it fails, it will be because of me and my emotional retardedness thanks to Corey. She says that I'm still hung up on his negativity and that's affecting my life. I believe that...I know that I am terrified of getting hurt again and feeling like my best isn't good enough. I guess I have to trust in Tyson and trust in myself.
It got me thinking about having Corey in my life. I don't love him like I used to, I don't want him back, and I don't think I even want sex from him anymore. I don't know why I really hang onto him and I really don't know if it's because I don't have many friends and he knows me so well. But I have to take into account that we don't ever hang out, we don't do anything normal friends do. I know I don't do those things with Austin or Fox or my other guy friends which makes me think, what's the point of guy friends then? To get laid every once in awhile? I can't remember the last time I hung out with a guy and didn't fuck afterwards...well, besides Fox.
I guess it's time to take Corey out of my life. He doesn't add anything essential to it and I only end up feeling angry towards him. It is really fun at times to talk to him because we get each other's humor and those stupid little things that only we would find funny.
So while we were driving into Salem, I got a text from Tyson. He's coming back to Colorado November 13th and will stay until the end of the year. I don't think that's long; I mean, he'll be gone for a week for Thanksgiving and I'm planning on going to my dad's for a week in December. We'll have another month or so before he takes off again. And we're not sure, again, when he'll come back to Colorado. He ended up calling me two nights ago asking if I can meet him up in Breck on the 14th and go snowboarding with him for the day and drive down to Denver. I guess I could, I could rent a car and stuff. He also asked me about all the potential trips I was thinking about taking in November and whether I can cancel them so we can spend more time together.
Which brings me to November and all those trips I wanted to take...originally I was planning on going to San Anotnio to visit Megan and watch New Moon with her. I think that movie comes out on the 20th so I was planning on going that weekend. Instead, she told me that she's coming to Colorado for Thanksgiving and invited me down to the Springs to have Thanksgiving with her and her family. I gladly accepted since I was most likely going to spend it alone with Cooper anyway. I'm insanely excited to see her and I can't wait to catch up and giggle and be retarded with someone who understands the whole game of "I bought you that."
Kristin wanted me to go out to Asheville for Thanksgiving but tickets are super expensive then so it works out that I'm going to Megan's. I guess I can either go to Asheville before Tyson comes back or sometime in December...I don't know yet and I feel terrible for asking David to watch Cooper again so soon. I might have to hold off on her visit until February and I can visit her during her birthday or something.
Julie, David and I really want to go to Vegas. I am icthing to go on a trip and just have fun and flights to Vegas is usually pretty cheap. We were thinking of going Thanksgiving weekend after Thanksgiving since hotels are cheaper during that time. Since Tyson will be back in Wisconsin for that weekend, I think this would work out as long as Julie and David are still in. Which I don't think they are as they haven't talked about it in forever.
Ok, so the thing that bothers me is that I have to schedule my life around Tyson's. I'm pretty sure he was joking, but not, when he asked me to cancel my plans in favor of him. I don't want to be in another relationship where I sacrifice things for a guy. I mean, it's really great that he invites me to hang out with him and his friends but never has he expressed interest in hanging out with any of mine. Since he'll be in town for David's Christmas party, I will make him go with me. It's only fair, right? Not that hanging out with his friends is a chore or anything, but I want him to meet some of my friends and I want to show him off a little too.
I feel wary of falling for him. I don't know how badly it'll hurt when he keeps coming and going. I don't know how long I'll have to wait for him to come back only to know that he needs to go back to Idaho. He talked about wanting to quit and get a job out in Colorado with the company he was contracted out to but who knows? He obsessively talked about sailing around for 3 years and he changed his mind about that.
I don't doubt that he likes me, he really is a genuine guy who speaks his mind without really holding back. I just don't know what he wants out of his life and where I'll fit in, if I fit in.
This week, we got to stay in Salem Tuesday night. We had a chance to explore the city the night before and after our session with the court. Marilyn and Paula drove up to have dinner with us and Suzanne and I went to get our palms read for fun. Seriously, how often can you get your palm read in Salem by an "authentic" witch? Might as well, right?
I didn't expect much, I am a skeptic after all. But, I guess there was some validity to what she had to say. First and foremost, she said that I'll have a better year next year and that things will start to work out for me. I'm really hoping that's true because Lord knows that I've had a pretty rough year. I like to think that it is slowly getting better. She mentioned a "new guy" in my life and I'll just take that to mean Tyson. She said that he truly likes me and will want a future and babies with me but I'm the one holding back in the relationship. If it fails, it will be because of me and my emotional retardedness thanks to Corey. She says that I'm still hung up on his negativity and that's affecting my life. I believe that...I know that I am terrified of getting hurt again and feeling like my best isn't good enough. I guess I have to trust in Tyson and trust in myself.
It got me thinking about having Corey in my life. I don't love him like I used to, I don't want him back, and I don't think I even want sex from him anymore. I don't know why I really hang onto him and I really don't know if it's because I don't have many friends and he knows me so well. But I have to take into account that we don't ever hang out, we don't do anything normal friends do. I know I don't do those things with Austin or Fox or my other guy friends which makes me think, what's the point of guy friends then? To get laid every once in awhile? I can't remember the last time I hung out with a guy and didn't fuck afterwards...well, besides Fox.
I guess it's time to take Corey out of my life. He doesn't add anything essential to it and I only end up feeling angry towards him. It is really fun at times to talk to him because we get each other's humor and those stupid little things that only we would find funny.
So while we were driving into Salem, I got a text from Tyson. He's coming back to Colorado November 13th and will stay until the end of the year. I don't think that's long; I mean, he'll be gone for a week for Thanksgiving and I'm planning on going to my dad's for a week in December. We'll have another month or so before he takes off again. And we're not sure, again, when he'll come back to Colorado. He ended up calling me two nights ago asking if I can meet him up in Breck on the 14th and go snowboarding with him for the day and drive down to Denver. I guess I could, I could rent a car and stuff. He also asked me about all the potential trips I was thinking about taking in November and whether I can cancel them so we can spend more time together.
Which brings me to November and all those trips I wanted to take...originally I was planning on going to San Anotnio to visit Megan and watch New Moon with her. I think that movie comes out on the 20th so I was planning on going that weekend. Instead, she told me that she's coming to Colorado for Thanksgiving and invited me down to the Springs to have Thanksgiving with her and her family. I gladly accepted since I was most likely going to spend it alone with Cooper anyway. I'm insanely excited to see her and I can't wait to catch up and giggle and be retarded with someone who understands the whole game of "I bought you that."
Kristin wanted me to go out to Asheville for Thanksgiving but tickets are super expensive then so it works out that I'm going to Megan's. I guess I can either go to Asheville before Tyson comes back or sometime in December...I don't know yet and I feel terrible for asking David to watch Cooper again so soon. I might have to hold off on her visit until February and I can visit her during her birthday or something.
Julie, David and I really want to go to Vegas. I am icthing to go on a trip and just have fun and flights to Vegas is usually pretty cheap. We were thinking of going Thanksgiving weekend after Thanksgiving since hotels are cheaper during that time. Since Tyson will be back in Wisconsin for that weekend, I think this would work out as long as Julie and David are still in. Which I don't think they are as they haven't talked about it in forever.
Ok, so the thing that bothers me is that I have to schedule my life around Tyson's. I'm pretty sure he was joking, but not, when he asked me to cancel my plans in favor of him. I don't want to be in another relationship where I sacrifice things for a guy. I mean, it's really great that he invites me to hang out with him and his friends but never has he expressed interest in hanging out with any of mine. Since he'll be in town for David's Christmas party, I will make him go with me. It's only fair, right? Not that hanging out with his friends is a chore or anything, but I want him to meet some of my friends and I want to show him off a little too.
I feel wary of falling for him. I don't know how badly it'll hurt when he keeps coming and going. I don't know how long I'll have to wait for him to come back only to know that he needs to go back to Idaho. He talked about wanting to quit and get a job out in Colorado with the company he was contracted out to but who knows? He obsessively talked about sailing around for 3 years and he changed his mind about that.
I don't doubt that he likes me, he really is a genuine guy who speaks his mind without really holding back. I just don't know what he wants out of his life and where I'll fit in, if I fit in.
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