I mean everything to nothing

After having an amazing time with each other the other night, Tyson called me yesterday while I was laboring up that ridiculous hill after gym class. I was physically exhausted and light-headed so it took awhile for the conversation to really sink in.

I wasn't expecting him to call or anything since he was getting ready to go back home for a friend's wedding. When he called and after we said "hey" to each other, I knew something was wrong by the tone of his voice. He basically told me that he wasn't signed on for the next coming projects so his company is sending him back home in Idaho. He's pretty sure at some point he'll be back in Colorado because they're in limbo with some more contracts that should be finalized soon. What sucks is that he doesn't know when that'll be.

He told me he was sorry and that it really sucks because he really likes me. I believe that he means both of those things. He's leaving next Wednesday so he wants to hang out for a few hours on Monday and I guess we'll talk about our options and figure out what we should do. Which makes me wonder what we will do because we've only been dating for a month or so.

I know I don't want to do long distance. I don't think we know each other well enough to put that kind of pressure on each other. I am just so terribly crushed because I let myself really like this guy and I let down my guard. He was the first person in a long time that I felt comfortable around and I really feel like we were hitting our stride with this relationship. He made me realize that I am worthy of a good guy in my life. Also I realized that if I want something, I should just go for it. He was the only guy I took time to try to find on Match and make a connection with. Most of the time I just talked to the guys who contacted me first and they never really made the cut.

I'm just really, really sad. More so than I thought I would be but I honestly thought that this was something that could last awhile. I knew that he would have to go back to Idaho for a little while at some point, but I didn't think it would be for so long or so up in the air. I don't know what I'm going to do when he comes back to Colorado. I don't know if I should hang on and how long I should hang on if I want to wait for him. And I worry whether things will be different when he comes back; whether he'll like me less or more because we've had some time apart. I don't know if we'll even talk often when he gets there. And that ridiculously jaded and jilted part of me wonders if he made this all up.