Tyson came out to visit last Wednesday and left Sunday night. We had a very interesting 5 days together and I’ve come to realize the main root of our issues and unfortunately, we had to work through those while trying to enjoy spending time together.
I guess the biggest issue is how easy yet uncomfortable it is once we’re in the same room together. Our whole relationship at this point is based on distance and over the phone. We have a barrier and a wall that enables us to talk to each other about anything and everything because that’s all we can do at this point. And I really like the distance because of that; I feel more safe and comfortable talking about my issues because I don’t have to say it face to face. This also builds a great foundation for the two of us because in all honesty, if we were in the same city, I don’t think we would have had half of the conversations that we had. People get complacent and lazy when they’re together; at some point you get comfortable and stop talking to one another about random things.
So when we’re actually in the same place, we’re together 24 hours of the day for about 5 days. It sounds nice to finally see each other and actually hug and kiss and all that, but it’s overwhelming for me to switch from single living mode to sharing my living space mode. It gets frustrating because I feel like I’m suffocating sometimes and I don’t get used to him being constantly there until sometimes the day before I leave or he leaves. When I visit him it’s not too bad since he works during the day, but when he was here, man, it was tough.
It wasn’t too terrible though, he got in Wednesday after work so I didn’t have to take time off Wednesday. He spent all day Thursday driving around applying for jobs and dropping off his resume. He did come into the office before he got started and met my co-workers and got to see the office which was what he wanted. It was a little awkward, I hate introducing significant others to adults. I just feel like I’m being judged. Anyway, the introduction of Tyson to co-workers went as well as to be expected.
Thursday night we had planned on going to see Manchester Orchestra so I was looking forward to that. The sentimental girlie part of me was squealing with joy because it was going to be our first concert together. Anyway, that was ruined because although we had fun walking Cooper and talking about random stuff, he wanted to go out to dinner with one of his friends and her boyfriend. I wasn’t even hungry nor was I in the mood for Thai food and really, I wanted to take a nap before the concert, but I went anyway because that’s what I do: whatever Tyson wants to do.
So we get to the restaurant and we got there first so we were sitting around waiting and when his friend finally gets there with her boyfriend, she doesn’t even say Hi back to me or really acknowledges me. I have never met her before. During the entire dinner, I said a total of maybe 3 sentences. She either didn’t hear or chose not to respond to any of my questions and I think she chose to ignore them because her boyfriend heard my questions and actually answered me. I felt really uncomfortable and pissed that she didn’t even give me the courtesy of saying hi and she and Tyson spent the whole dinner talking about shit that only related to them leaving me and her boyfriend sitting there staring out the window or listlessly eating our food. It just put me in a bad mood and I couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of there and was so relieved when her boyfriend had to go because he had to get to work. The concert was fun though, Manchester Orchestra was amazing live and they’re hilarious and I had a really good time at the concert. Of course, when we got home we got into an argument because Tyson was mad at me from the night before and that made me shut down and not want to talk to him.
We were going to go to Boulder on Friday and spend a leisurely afternoon there wandering around campus and having dinner. That didn’t end up happening because 1. It snowed like a foot overnight and during the day and 2. Tyson got an interview at 2 so it would have been pointless to go to Boulder during the day. We settled on just having dinner whenever he got back from his interview. Since I already planned on taking the day off, we had a nice breakfast at home and while he was at his interview, I got ready for dinner. Tyson told me that the interview can last anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours depending on how well everything goes so I waited patiently at home because I didn’t want to bother him.
I guess I was having phone problems all day because he had been sending me texts and calling me since 3. I didn’t get any of those until hours later and even then, I didn’t get all his text messages or voicemail. When I finally got a hold of him, he was with Fran and was really pissed off at me. Things cooled down once he got back to my place but by then it was too late to get to Boulder since the roads were really bad and it would have taken us over an hour to get there. Instead, we went to Tyler and Anne Marie’s new house and see if they wanted to go out to dinner.
Anyway, the whole point of the weekend was for us to spend time together. He wanted me to do all the things he wanted because he “wanted to spend together” when really, he wanted to hang out with his friends more. I tried to plan a weekend where we could do some fun things and yes, while the weather was a factor, it wasn’t like we couldn’t do Boulder the next day. But Tyson had already made some plans ahead of time or heard of some parties ahead of time that he wanted to go to and I dragged my ass along because “we wanted to spend time together.” Instead, I felt neglected because he wanted to focus more on having his own fun with his friends who don’t really take the time to get to know me.
That was another huge fight and I think we’re ok. He knows that I’ll tell him when things bother me on my own time and I’ll work on telling him in a timelier manner. He’s promising not to bug me and push me until I blow up on him and honestly, these are things that we can’t really judge until it happens again. It was tough, but realizing things on both ends are hopefully going to make a difference in the future.
Once we talked about it, he did apologize and realized how we always do the things he wants to do. He also apologized for spending 3 nights out of the 4 with his friends and only one night with me. I thought we could go on a date, I thought we could do something romantic and “couple-y” together and instead, it was hanging out at Anne Marie’s house with a bunch of drunk and drugged people. The least I can do is wait and see what our life would be like when he actually lives here before I make a decision.
I guess the biggest issue is how easy yet uncomfortable it is once we’re in the same room together. Our whole relationship at this point is based on distance and over the phone. We have a barrier and a wall that enables us to talk to each other about anything and everything because that’s all we can do at this point. And I really like the distance because of that; I feel more safe and comfortable talking about my issues because I don’t have to say it face to face. This also builds a great foundation for the two of us because in all honesty, if we were in the same city, I don’t think we would have had half of the conversations that we had. People get complacent and lazy when they’re together; at some point you get comfortable and stop talking to one another about random things.
So when we’re actually in the same place, we’re together 24 hours of the day for about 5 days. It sounds nice to finally see each other and actually hug and kiss and all that, but it’s overwhelming for me to switch from single living mode to sharing my living space mode. It gets frustrating because I feel like I’m suffocating sometimes and I don’t get used to him being constantly there until sometimes the day before I leave or he leaves. When I visit him it’s not too bad since he works during the day, but when he was here, man, it was tough.
It wasn’t too terrible though, he got in Wednesday after work so I didn’t have to take time off Wednesday. He spent all day Thursday driving around applying for jobs and dropping off his resume. He did come into the office before he got started and met my co-workers and got to see the office which was what he wanted. It was a little awkward, I hate introducing significant others to adults. I just feel like I’m being judged. Anyway, the introduction of Tyson to co-workers went as well as to be expected.
Thursday night we had planned on going to see Manchester Orchestra so I was looking forward to that. The sentimental girlie part of me was squealing with joy because it was going to be our first concert together. Anyway, that was ruined because although we had fun walking Cooper and talking about random stuff, he wanted to go out to dinner with one of his friends and her boyfriend. I wasn’t even hungry nor was I in the mood for Thai food and really, I wanted to take a nap before the concert, but I went anyway because that’s what I do: whatever Tyson wants to do.
So we get to the restaurant and we got there first so we were sitting around waiting and when his friend finally gets there with her boyfriend, she doesn’t even say Hi back to me or really acknowledges me. I have never met her before. During the entire dinner, I said a total of maybe 3 sentences. She either didn’t hear or chose not to respond to any of my questions and I think she chose to ignore them because her boyfriend heard my questions and actually answered me. I felt really uncomfortable and pissed that she didn’t even give me the courtesy of saying hi and she and Tyson spent the whole dinner talking about shit that only related to them leaving me and her boyfriend sitting there staring out the window or listlessly eating our food. It just put me in a bad mood and I couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of there and was so relieved when her boyfriend had to go because he had to get to work. The concert was fun though, Manchester Orchestra was amazing live and they’re hilarious and I had a really good time at the concert. Of course, when we got home we got into an argument because Tyson was mad at me from the night before and that made me shut down and not want to talk to him.
We were going to go to Boulder on Friday and spend a leisurely afternoon there wandering around campus and having dinner. That didn’t end up happening because 1. It snowed like a foot overnight and during the day and 2. Tyson got an interview at 2 so it would have been pointless to go to Boulder during the day. We settled on just having dinner whenever he got back from his interview. Since I already planned on taking the day off, we had a nice breakfast at home and while he was at his interview, I got ready for dinner. Tyson told me that the interview can last anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours depending on how well everything goes so I waited patiently at home because I didn’t want to bother him.
I guess I was having phone problems all day because he had been sending me texts and calling me since 3. I didn’t get any of those until hours later and even then, I didn’t get all his text messages or voicemail. When I finally got a hold of him, he was with Fran and was really pissed off at me. Things cooled down once he got back to my place but by then it was too late to get to Boulder since the roads were really bad and it would have taken us over an hour to get there. Instead, we went to Tyler and Anne Marie’s new house and see if they wanted to go out to dinner.
Anyway, the whole point of the weekend was for us to spend time together. He wanted me to do all the things he wanted because he “wanted to spend together” when really, he wanted to hang out with his friends more. I tried to plan a weekend where we could do some fun things and yes, while the weather was a factor, it wasn’t like we couldn’t do Boulder the next day. But Tyson had already made some plans ahead of time or heard of some parties ahead of time that he wanted to go to and I dragged my ass along because “we wanted to spend time together.” Instead, I felt neglected because he wanted to focus more on having his own fun with his friends who don’t really take the time to get to know me.
That was another huge fight and I think we’re ok. He knows that I’ll tell him when things bother me on my own time and I’ll work on telling him in a timelier manner. He’s promising not to bug me and push me until I blow up on him and honestly, these are things that we can’t really judge until it happens again. It was tough, but realizing things on both ends are hopefully going to make a difference in the future.
Once we talked about it, he did apologize and realized how we always do the things he wants to do. He also apologized for spending 3 nights out of the 4 with his friends and only one night with me. I thought we could go on a date, I thought we could do something romantic and “couple-y” together and instead, it was hanging out at Anne Marie’s house with a bunch of drunk and drugged people. The least I can do is wait and see what our life would be like when he actually lives here before I make a decision.
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