I'm writing this out because I don't know how to say it out loud. I'm too afraid of hurting your feelings that I'll let mine get pushed aside and you never acknowledge that my silences are not me agreeing to whatever you want but rather that I am disappointed.
And that's just it: I'm not mad at you or with you. I'm disappointed.
There's nothing about you that'll make me want a long term future with you. Nothing about you has changed since we dated and broke up. You are still self centered and your needs always comes first. You're so good at saying things that gives me hope but you never follow through. You can point the blame in every situation away from you and make excuses as to why things didn't work out in my favor.
You're wasting my time. I have told you what it is I want from a relationship and nothing about you is what I want. It might make a difference if you gave a damn and made an effort but you haven't. Every time you come over, you make some half assed attempt by saying "so...do you wanna go out?" when it's already 8 PM and it'll take an hour for us to get our food. Why bother saying that when you know it's not going to happen? To make myself feel bad when I have to settle and say, "why bother?" To make yourself look like you're not the bad guy? and why bother when what you really want is for me to either cook you something or order something in?
I get that you have to work some incredibly shitty hours and I don't hold that against you. What I hold against you is you not telling me if you're going to be later than what we had anticipated, saying that when you get a day off you'd like to spend it with me and then riding your bike for hours, or coming over when you're obviously too tired to do anything but fuck me and fall asleep. I can go without shitty sex if that means I don't have to wake up 4 times because of your fucking alarms.
Why do I even bother? Why do you even bother? You don't need a fucking girlfriend because you're too selfish for one. You make plans with other people and actually follow through with them. You've never put me first. Why are you wasting my time?
I'm not high maintenance. There are certain things I feel like a significant other should be able to do for their other half. You are not willing to do anything for me and while you have moments of actual tenderness, it doesn't make up for the fact that I'm not getting what really matters.
You consider me your girlfriend but you can't even tell me when you're coming back. You couldn't tell me that you might not be back in Colorado when you get back from your vacation. I have never held you back from doing what you wanted to do nor have I tried to get you to cut things short to do anything with me. Dating you is the stupidest thing I have done. In some ways, you're a million times worse than Corey.
I can't fucking do this, I can't keep letting you rip apart my heart. I don't even need to wish you luck or happiness because I know you will be by just staying the way you are.
And that's just it: I'm not mad at you or with you. I'm disappointed.
There's nothing about you that'll make me want a long term future with you. Nothing about you has changed since we dated and broke up. You are still self centered and your needs always comes first. You're so good at saying things that gives me hope but you never follow through. You can point the blame in every situation away from you and make excuses as to why things didn't work out in my favor.
You're wasting my time. I have told you what it is I want from a relationship and nothing about you is what I want. It might make a difference if you gave a damn and made an effort but you haven't. Every time you come over, you make some half assed attempt by saying "so...do you wanna go out?" when it's already 8 PM and it'll take an hour for us to get our food. Why bother saying that when you know it's not going to happen? To make myself feel bad when I have to settle and say, "why bother?" To make yourself look like you're not the bad guy? and why bother when what you really want is for me to either cook you something or order something in?
I get that you have to work some incredibly shitty hours and I don't hold that against you. What I hold against you is you not telling me if you're going to be later than what we had anticipated, saying that when you get a day off you'd like to spend it with me and then riding your bike for hours, or coming over when you're obviously too tired to do anything but fuck me and fall asleep. I can go without shitty sex if that means I don't have to wake up 4 times because of your fucking alarms.
Why do I even bother? Why do you even bother? You don't need a fucking girlfriend because you're too selfish for one. You make plans with other people and actually follow through with them. You've never put me first. Why are you wasting my time?
I'm not high maintenance. There are certain things I feel like a significant other should be able to do for their other half. You are not willing to do anything for me and while you have moments of actual tenderness, it doesn't make up for the fact that I'm not getting what really matters.
You consider me your girlfriend but you can't even tell me when you're coming back. You couldn't tell me that you might not be back in Colorado when you get back from your vacation. I have never held you back from doing what you wanted to do nor have I tried to get you to cut things short to do anything with me. Dating you is the stupidest thing I have done. In some ways, you're a million times worse than Corey.
I can't fucking do this, I can't keep letting you rip apart my heart. I don't even need to wish you luck or happiness because I know you will be by just staying the way you are.
No comments:
Post a Comment