I had an appointment with Lynn yesterday and part of our conversation made me really think about the past, present, and future of friendships. It also helped that I had Joslyn's wedding, Kristin's visit, a long talk with David and Megan, and good ol' facebook to really reflect on the past and what I would ultimately like in the future.
Kristin and I haven't seen each other since last July. Sure, a ton has happened to both of us from July until May and we didn't do the best of jobs of keeping in touch. I don't really want to point fingers but I did try to call Kristin at least once a week even if I had to leave a message. She's just not very good at calling back and she does it to David as well. David is much more social and a phone lover so he probably called her more often than I did, to be honest. Anyway, while she was here and we were all eating brunch, she kept saying things like, "Wow, David, I had no idea that all that has happened to you...when did we talk last?!" And David, being slightly sarcastic, would reply, "Maybe if you actually returned a phone call in the last 3 months you would have known about it." She said something like, "well, I just figure that if I tell you or Alisa something you guys would tell each other what I was up to. I hate saying the same things twice." Yeah, that kind of hurt our feelings; phone conversations are meant to be between (usually) two people who are catching up on each other. It bothered us that she only thought of herself as someone who had things going on in their lives since she made it clear that phone conversations were mostly for her to rant and rave and bitch for as long as she wanted without really caring what was going on in the other person's life.
She kept changing the subject whenever we tried talking to her about her future. She seemed to get mad and felt like we were attacking her when we would say things like, "have you started looking for jobs in the places you want to live yet? Have you looked into housing? Have you, have you, have you..." Her answers were all Nos before changing the subject. While I understand and even admire her desire to pack up and move to someplace completely new, I think that she has this idealized image in her head where once she moves to a new city, everything will magically fall into place.
At the wedding it was interesting to see all the people who I considered really close friends. Now it feels like maybe we're just friends, or even acquaintances. I suppose people all move on and once we're not in close proximity we tend to forget about the other person. I just wonder how many more close friends will drift into the "friend" and "acquaintance" category in the next couple of years. Mostly I wonder when that'll happen to Kristin and me because I already feel a drift. She can't talk to me about her problems or doesn't feel comfortable expressing her fears and won't take my advice without a fight.
Megan had to go to an old friend's wedding the same weekend as Joslyn's wedding. Afterwards, Megan said that she is completely done with Erin; she did her part, she went to her wedding, and supported her whenever she went down to the Springs. As Megan is moving soon-ish to San Antonio, she doesn't really feel the need to spend more time with Erin and would rather spend time with people she actually wants to keep in touch with. And I completely understand that reason of thought. Why would you waste so much time and effort on a person who doesn't really appreciate it and only wants to hang out when it's convenient for them?
David and I were looking on facebook of people we went to high school with. Amazingly, they are all still friends and hang out all the time. Most everyone looks worse than they did in high school; almost all the girls are married with babies and almost all the guys are fat, balding, and just plain creepy looking. I really don't know how many of them went to college but by the looks of it, it doesn't seem like that many did. David and I were thanking God that at least we look better now than we did in high school and at the very least, we still have our hair and we aren't fat with babies.
I don't really want to go to high school reunion. I figure I keep in touch with the people I want to keep in touch with and I didn't like anyone from high school and no one remembers me anyway. I never really fit into a group and honestly, I don't care what those strangers have been up to in the last 10 years. I have facebook if I'm really curious. It doesn't matter if I'm married with children with my dream job, I don't think I'd want to go. The past is the past and I want it to stay there. I don't need to be reminded of a time that I truly despised in my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment