The Christmas holidays were ok; well, way better than normal. Tyson and I went snowboarding on Christmas Eve and I did about as well as to be expected. I fell a lot, have a ton of bruises, and had frostbite. I also smacked my head a bunch of times getting off the damn lift and once when I totally ate shit and fell backwards. Tyson was super patient but at some point, we both got frustrated and he went and did some runs by himself while I slowly attempted to get down the damn mountain.
On our way up to Winter Park, we saw a herd of bighorn sheep and one of the rams got super pissed off or something because it charged a car. I never saw anything like it; it hit the driver's side of the car, spun in the air, fell splay-legged on the asphalt and bolted off like it was nothing. The poor lady driving the car got some scratches from the glass breaking and luckily, she was driving an SUV because if she was in a little car that ram would have hit her head and she probably would have died. I felt even worse because it was a brand new car with 1600 miles on it and she was on her way to the airport to visit her dying grandma. God, what shitty luck. For a second I thought it might be me, like I'm a magnet for crazy fucking animals who hold grudges against cars or something.
After snowboarding, we got back into Denver trying to find someplace that was still open so we can eat. We ended up finding a pub and had dinner. During dinner we had a few drinks and he told me that if he doesn't get the job in Denver, he most likely won't be coming back for at least a year. I got really upset and I couldn't eat and I was just so pissed because he didn't tell me that; I thought if he didn't get the job he'd be back out in a couple of months or something. I told him that there's no way I'm waiting for him that long and I refuse to do long distance. I think that hurt him but either way, I needed to get my point across and let him know how I felt about it. After that I just wanted to go home; I didn't want to see him, I was sore, I hurt everywhere, and I just wanted to get out of my wet clothes. He ended up coming over after dropping me off and showering at his place. I was tired and worn out so I didn't care, I didn't touch him or talk to him and just went to bed.
Christmas morning I made Tyson breakfast. Originally I had planned on cooking him Christmas dinner and stuff, but he got a call from a friend in Breck and started making plans with them and I was like, wtf? So I got pissed and told him to go away because I wanted to be alone. He called me before he was leaving for Breck and asked if I was sure I didn't want to go and I said no so he went up to Breck and I hung out by myself. It's weird, this is the first year that I spent Christmas alone and I didn't feel guilty. Sure I missed me family and it was a little lonely but it wasn't too bad; at least it wasn't as bad as it was other years.
Tyson came over the next morning and basically spent Saturday and Sunday with me. We went out to dinner with Fran and one of his friends on Saturday night and we ate so much, it was disgusting. I felt fat and bloated afterwards and was ready to party after digesting but Tyson got pissed off at me so we ended up staying in. I don't know...I don't know how to feel about the whole "I'm-leaving-for-a-year" thing.
We talked about it briefly but Tyson always changed the subject. Now he keeps saying that he'll get the job and I shouldn't worry but I'm trying to be realistic; I'm trying to keep myself from getting completely crushed. I know he's leaving this weekend. I know he'll be gone and he's hoping to get his interview next Monday or Tuesday and if that's the case, he'll stay a few days longer. If not, he said he'll fly out for his interview. I just don't know what to do or feel. I told him I can wait about 3 months but those 3 months are only if he gets the job.
We hung out last night and I told him that I was upset and it sucks. I told him that I really want a relationship and there's no way to have one with him if he isn't going to be there for me when I need him and I won't be there for him when he needs me. I know he likes me a lot, and I think he knows that I like him a lot too, but at this point I'm afraid of liking him more because I'm afraid that he'll leave for good.
No comments:
Post a Comment