Well...I got back from Idaho Sunday night. I left Wednesday and had a half day at work. Honestly, I couldn't make up my mind about what I wanted to do; whether I was going to stay in a relationship with Tyson or just break up with him. And honestly, I didn't know for sure until we had a talk on Saturday morning. I wanted to talk sooner but he wanted to wait because we were getting along really well and having fun. If we were to have broken up on Thursday night, it would have been an awkward couple of days before I could leave.
We did get along really well. It helped that the weather was a lot nicer so it just kept me in a better mood. He really paid attention and listened to what I wanted to do and made the attempt to do those things. I was able to open up to him and tell him what it is that I want and need from the relationship and I was able to talk to him about my mistreatment of him and how I recognize how wrong that is and was. I just feel a lot better about things between us and although it'll be hard to really determine if he'll continue thinking of me until he moves out here, I'm willing to wait and see what happens.
I also need to work on the relationship myself; I can't put everything on his shoulders and ignore what he wants or needs. So it really does go both ways and I really hope that we can be mature and respect each other enough to give one another the absolute best. I really do need to work on keeping my emotions separate and I can't take things out on him when it's something else that's bothering me.
I just want this to work. I really do care about him and although we're different in our interests, I hope that we can love each other enough to try and do some things out of our own comfort zones. I guess that means I'll try backpacking and shit and he'll go to museums and read every once in awhile.
I heard from my brother earlier today. My dad's back from Korea. I haven't talked to him and I don't want to. I don't want to hear about his trip and I just don't want him in my life. The sad thing is, I feel the same way about my mom. I feel like they don't know how to keep a boundary between parent and child. They say and tell me things I never want to hear or know about. I understand that my mom had no one to talk to besides me but I really resent her for talking to me about all the shit she talked to me about. I avoid her calls as much as I ignore my dad's calls.
The whole family is worried about my dad. I really think he's going crazy and while he was in Korea, he spent thousands of my grandma's money and had nowhere to stay. I just don't understand how my family can get so dysfunctional the past couple years. Or maybe we've always been this way and I'm just now noticing. Either way, I don't want to be a part of it.
It's really hard for me to keep my boundaries clear and keep people from stepping over it. I know that's a huge problem of mine; I feel like I need to make other people happy and I feel obligated to do so. Sometimes I don't mind doing that, but it sucks because everyone just takes advantage of it. I just really hope that Tyson can make me happy as much as Iwant to make him happy and hopefully, if he oversteps my boundaries, I can rationally tell him so and we can work our way through it.
We did get along really well. It helped that the weather was a lot nicer so it just kept me in a better mood. He really paid attention and listened to what I wanted to do and made the attempt to do those things. I was able to open up to him and tell him what it is that I want and need from the relationship and I was able to talk to him about my mistreatment of him and how I recognize how wrong that is and was. I just feel a lot better about things between us and although it'll be hard to really determine if he'll continue thinking of me until he moves out here, I'm willing to wait and see what happens.
I also need to work on the relationship myself; I can't put everything on his shoulders and ignore what he wants or needs. So it really does go both ways and I really hope that we can be mature and respect each other enough to give one another the absolute best. I really do need to work on keeping my emotions separate and I can't take things out on him when it's something else that's bothering me.
I just want this to work. I really do care about him and although we're different in our interests, I hope that we can love each other enough to try and do some things out of our own comfort zones. I guess that means I'll try backpacking and shit and he'll go to museums and read every once in awhile.
I heard from my brother earlier today. My dad's back from Korea. I haven't talked to him and I don't want to. I don't want to hear about his trip and I just don't want him in my life. The sad thing is, I feel the same way about my mom. I feel like they don't know how to keep a boundary between parent and child. They say and tell me things I never want to hear or know about. I understand that my mom had no one to talk to besides me but I really resent her for talking to me about all the shit she talked to me about. I avoid her calls as much as I ignore my dad's calls.
The whole family is worried about my dad. I really think he's going crazy and while he was in Korea, he spent thousands of my grandma's money and had nowhere to stay. I just don't understand how my family can get so dysfunctional the past couple years. Or maybe we've always been this way and I'm just now noticing. Either way, I don't want to be a part of it.
It's really hard for me to keep my boundaries clear and keep people from stepping over it. I know that's a huge problem of mine; I feel like I need to make other people happy and I feel obligated to do so. Sometimes I don't mind doing that, but it sucks because everyone just takes advantage of it. I just really hope that Tyson can make me happy as much as Iwant to make him happy and hopefully, if he oversteps my boundaries, I can rationally tell him so and we can work our way through it.
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