This is going to come off wrong no matter how I write it or try to explain it but here goes:
Corey and his girlfriend are now saying "I love you" to each other. I was talking to him earlier today and I told him that one of my biggest fears is that now that he's declaring his love for her, when she tells him to stop hanging out or talking with me, he'll do it because that's what he's consistently done for every one of his girlfriends. He got all awkwardly silent and said that she does have a problem with us hanging out and he figures at some point he will have to stop talking/hanging out with me.
It really fucking hurt because even when I told him I couldn't hang out with him because it was making Tyson uncomfortable, he called me a fag and totally didn't respect my relationship hopes with Tyson. Because I wanted to be his friend and support him and hang out when he needed a buddy, I did so even though it pissed Tyson off because I didn't want Corey to feel alone and friendless because I've been there, it's a terrible feeling. I risked my relationship with Tyson because I value friendship very highly and maybe a part of me figures, my friend will be there for me but will this guy be there for me til the end?
I gave up a lot to remain friends with Corey and it just hurts that while he didn't and mocked my relationship choices, he expects me to be ok with his decision of when his girlfriend orders him to not be my friend anymore. It's like, I thought he felt the same way I did about our friendship and I thought by showing him that I'd be his friends despite what my significant other wanted would show him what he means to me as a friend and he can't even return that for me because no matter what, he's a selfish person; he's selfish, selfish, selfish.
He only wants to be my friend when it's convenient for him; he only wants to hang out when there's no one else to hang out with; he only wants me around when somethings going wrong between him and whoever he's dating. No matter how much I try to show him that he's an important part of my life, he ends up showing me blatant disrespect and disregard for my feelings. He takes advantage of the fact that despite my bitchy comments and attitude, I'm a really nice person who'll put everyone before myself. It fucking hurts, even going through everything we went through I was willing to keep him in my life and this is how he repays the friendship I gave him.
It really makes me wonder because he was the only thing that Tyson and I fought consistently about. If I gave up Corey, would Tyson have been more likely to change some of the things I didn't like about him? Did he see it as, "she's not giving me anything, why should I give her everything"?
I'm so mad, I'm so hurt, I'm so disappointed in myself because I still let Corey walk all over me and take advantage of me. I may make fun of his stupid girlfriend but at the end of the day I respect their relationship and would never let Corey cross the line with me that might jeopardize his relationship with her. It hurts that he didn't give me the same thing for me when he knew that Tyson was a really important part of my life.
I lost a boyfriend and a friend. I gave up on something that had potential because I valued a friendship where I wasn't going to be treated as an equal.
God, I am a failure...
Corey and his girlfriend are now saying "I love you" to each other. I was talking to him earlier today and I told him that one of my biggest fears is that now that he's declaring his love for her, when she tells him to stop hanging out or talking with me, he'll do it because that's what he's consistently done for every one of his girlfriends. He got all awkwardly silent and said that she does have a problem with us hanging out and he figures at some point he will have to stop talking/hanging out with me.
It really fucking hurt because even when I told him I couldn't hang out with him because it was making Tyson uncomfortable, he called me a fag and totally didn't respect my relationship hopes with Tyson. Because I wanted to be his friend and support him and hang out when he needed a buddy, I did so even though it pissed Tyson off because I didn't want Corey to feel alone and friendless because I've been there, it's a terrible feeling. I risked my relationship with Tyson because I value friendship very highly and maybe a part of me figures, my friend will be there for me but will this guy be there for me til the end?
I gave up a lot to remain friends with Corey and it just hurts that while he didn't and mocked my relationship choices, he expects me to be ok with his decision of when his girlfriend orders him to not be my friend anymore. It's like, I thought he felt the same way I did about our friendship and I thought by showing him that I'd be his friends despite what my significant other wanted would show him what he means to me as a friend and he can't even return that for me because no matter what, he's a selfish person; he's selfish, selfish, selfish.
He only wants to be my friend when it's convenient for him; he only wants to hang out when there's no one else to hang out with; he only wants me around when somethings going wrong between him and whoever he's dating. No matter how much I try to show him that he's an important part of my life, he ends up showing me blatant disrespect and disregard for my feelings. He takes advantage of the fact that despite my bitchy comments and attitude, I'm a really nice person who'll put everyone before myself. It fucking hurts, even going through everything we went through I was willing to keep him in my life and this is how he repays the friendship I gave him.
It really makes me wonder because he was the only thing that Tyson and I fought consistently about. If I gave up Corey, would Tyson have been more likely to change some of the things I didn't like about him? Did he see it as, "she's not giving me anything, why should I give her everything"?
I'm so mad, I'm so hurt, I'm so disappointed in myself because I still let Corey walk all over me and take advantage of me. I may make fun of his stupid girlfriend but at the end of the day I respect their relationship and would never let Corey cross the line with me that might jeopardize his relationship with her. It hurts that he didn't give me the same thing for me when he knew that Tyson was a really important part of my life.
I lost a boyfriend and a friend. I gave up on something that had potential because I valued a friendship where I wasn't going to be treated as an equal.
God, I am a failure...
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